Sunday, April 24, 2011

Within the last twenty-four hours I have dropped this little computer twice. I just pulled it out from under my passenger seat, following a very pleasant scented car ride home, to find it a bottle of Fabreeze had opened and it was basically floating in a puddle.

This HP Mini was a Valentine's gift a few years ago and I have to say: I so thoroughly and entirely appreciate it. I have tried hard to be gentle, but even the word choice here is indicative of my wild and haphazard ways. Swift did an awesome job of selecting a cute little machine that can somehow stand up to my excessive abuse. I have been dragging this piece around in my bag for the better part of three years, maybe? I can say with certainty that, even though I wasn't the one to pay, it is absolutely worth every penny and I would gladly recommend one to anyone.

Also, I finally got around to buying a proper case. I would just sew a new one whenever I decided to retire clothes or found some fabric I liked. But about two weeks ago I sucked it up and got a case that's got a working zipper, and it's adequately padded and seems like it will protect my little robot-guy. Of course, I figured the week I spend money on it would naturally be the week it would finally just stop working. I'm happy to report that we're out of the woods in that regard. Sure, the space-bar sticks from time to time, but if that's the most about which I can complain, things are pretty bright.

Friday, April 22, 2011

worst date

Generally, going to the 700 club means I'll have a fun night, probably I'll meet at least two people and I'll leave a happy albeit disheveled mess.

On what I'm pretty sure was my 23rd birthday I went wearing the most annoying pair of Keds you could imagine. I tried searching all over the internet for a picture of these shoes, but I guess Keds doesn't want a record of canvas low-tops with laces entirely covered in primary colored letters that don't spell a damn thing.

I wore these shoes, in any event. If I can find them I'll take a picture, certainly they weren't thrown away. They resulted in several phone numbers being handed over to me that night. They also worked other nights. I swear: these shoes had hypnotic powers.

One of the guys I met that night was less my type, but really cute still. We went out a couple of times and he seemed pretty decent. He was generous with compliments and though he didn't make me laugh on his own, his reaction to the funny things I'd say compounded my laughter, I'll take that. He was thrilled with my thesaurus-as-wallet technique and said he found my quirks to be endearing. SOLD! (In retrospect maybe I should have raised my standards...)

His parents lived in the suburbs, which helped too. He was going to be out visiting them and asked if I'd like to go out. He had their car for the evening, still I ended up driving to their house. We took their car out and somehow ended up in the parking lot of Kinkos in King of Prussia. As we were leaving he backed up--too fast and too hard-into a cement pedestal that supports one of those REALLY TALL parking lot lights. He pulled forward and, I think, backed into it again. Then he jumped out of the car and started to freak out. Hard.

I got out to check the damage (I'm really good at getting into car accidents. I'm also, as it turns out, really really good at repairing things.) Before I could show him what I perceived as the damage he was on the phone crying to his mother. He wanted her to wake up his father now. This was an emergency for crying out loud.

EMERGENCY.

To me, an emergency is when the airbags go off, or someone has a heart attack. Being more sympathetic, I'd also include a run-in with another car where the person is either unresponsive or really irate. An emergency takes place on a major highway, you're holding up traffic because a worm crawled out of the apple you're presently eating and touched your hand. You drop that apple fast only to have it roll under your break pedal. This causes you to rear end the car in front of you. Traffic gets held up and people honk and stare. That's an emergency I think.

This was not.
This was a minor "fender bender" that didn't even need to get reported to insurance, let alone parents. If the muffler were REALLY hanging off, I'd be concerned about maybe someone getting gassed somewhere down the road. But that wasn't the case. I know because while Chad was whining like a four year old, I'd gotten on my knees on the cold asphalt. I'd climbed under the car, craned my neck and took one look at the exhaust pipe. It just got detached. I took the caribiner off  of my key-chain, pulled the bobby pin out of my hair. I attached them to the metal that usually holds the muffler in place.
The things was fixed.
It looked fine.

He got off the phone, tears streaming down his face. We had to cut the night short. The car absolutely had to be returned to his parents house. He was talking about calling a tow truck. Finally he stopped and kind of cocked his head to the side. "Why are you on the ground?" he asked.

I didn't say a word. The part of me that's overly sympathetic and wants to take care of everyone entirely forever and ever had at last shut off. I pointed to the exhaust pipe. He joined me on his knees and craned his neck under the back bumper.

"I might love you." he said.




Silently we got back into the car and rode to his parents house. His dad, straight from bed, came out with a flashlight. His mom offered me tea. I wanted to leave but my manners got the better of me. Somehow I ended up inside with her. I guess she wanted to get to know me better. The "men" stayed outside for a little while. Finally they came back in. I was greeted with a hug from Papa Chadwick and his son looked on, eyes filled with pride.
I wanted to die.

Somehow I ended up driving him back to his center city apartment at what must've been 2 am at this point. He expected me to stay over which made sense considering the time, I was tired, etc, etc, etc. But I wasn't feeling it.

As we were driving, mostly in silence, I turned the music off, not wanting to ruin any song I liked by tainting it with feelings attributed to this dope. I remember focusing hard on the lights of Boathouse Row approaching on our left. "Thank God," he began, "I was with you tonight." It started out heartfelt enough. "Thank God I was with the smart one."

I kept my eyes on the road and the lights reflecting off the river and let him continue, digging his grave. "I mean, I could have been with the hot girl I'm dating. Instead, I got to get into the accident while I was with the smart one."



Pulling up to his place, somewhere along 20th and Spruce I left the car in drive and put on the flashers. "There's usually parking that way," he pointed. I nodded. He looked confused and hurt. I hate to admit that I felt bad, but I did. This guy had absolutely no idea he'd done something wrong. At this point I probably should have told him. I should have saved him from making the mistake again to some other smart girl dumb enough to get into a similar situation. But I didn't. As I pulled  away I realized I'd let him borrow several cds including the Decemberists and Paris Combo. My stomach churned as I imagined the hot one being impressed by his worldliness, Parisian gypsy-jazz sounds filling his pretty-nice place.

Then I imagined him, squished between her and a tow truck driver.


I have been carrying this diagram around for six years. It's in my wallet. Ask me and I'll gladly show you.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

This Saturday night I'll be helping out at my friend's show, it's an improvised homage to Hitchcock.


Pulled right from their facebook event:
* Just 8 shows *
Runs April 15 - May 1, Fri - Sun at 8PM
NO SHOW EASTER SUNDAY

Sir Alfred Hitchcock is arguably one of the most popular and widely respected filmmakers in the history of cinema. Over the course of 53 films and more than half a century, Hitchcock commanded the medium like few directors before or after. Pioneering many techniques, styles and themes that were at one time revolutionary, and now in our time the standard,... he explored suspense and the human dynamic in exciting and innovative ways.

Over the course of the last several months, ten improvisers have studied, analyzed and explored the work of this cinematic legend. Marrying the knowledge and experience they've gained with the tools of improvisational theater, these actors will navigate the scenarios, archetypes, and tropes that are definitive of Hitchcock's films.

During a limited run of eight performances, suspense, intrigue and mystery will take center stage as the players spontaneously create worlds of tension filled with misfortunate heroes, troubled blondes, charismatic villains and fractured identities. A few simple audience suggestions set the stage for this Hitchcockian tribute wrought with fears, obsessions, anxieties and laughter.

Cast (in alphabetical order):
Mary Carpenter, Rob Cutler, Nathan Edmondson, Kristin Finger, Jessica Ross, Joe Sabatino, Alli Soowal, Jason Stockdale, Ashley Villanueva

Directed by Matt Nelson
Produced by the Philadelphia Joke Initiative

Tickets
$15 in advance at www.contactpji.com
$20 at the door


Latvian Society of Philadelphia
531 N 7th St
Philadelphia, PA



Sunday, April 17, 2011

GIGANTIC CHECK!!

Following some medical problems my friend Cubby found himself in the hospital for a few weeks--WAY TOO LONG considering he doesn't have health coverage right now-and of course the bills will be piling up.

Cubby performs  with Whipsuit monthly, when in good health (FIST SHAKING.)  He wasn't able to make it out to O'Neals for their regular show. In an effort to help and offset his costs as best we can, a bunch of improvisers participated in a show spearheaded by the other half of Whipsuit, Rick Horner.

Following the event, while walking out of the bar with a GIGANTIC CHECK prop, I was stopped a number of times. Without ever actually requesting contributions, the power of a massive banknote raised interest and awareness for a worthwhile cause. I got the opportunity to talk to a bunch of really good people. We shared stories, I heard songs and one girl even took off her shoes (I'm still not sure why, but she seemed genuinely concerned about the situation.)

I am absolutely astounded and impressed by the inspiring actions of so many people who took interest in the life of a stranger.


Thank you so much guys, it was beautiful and amazing.

Oh, and to the girls with whom I chased the runaway hat: HELLO!!!

Information on Cubby's performance projects, for those who expressed interest:
Whipsuit
Revival Burlesque


The acts that performed in the name of Cubby:
Suggestical hysterical musical made up entirely on the spot)
Horner + Davis
Rintersplit
Iron Lung


Saturday, April 9, 2011

presently making up for ten years of art-lazy.
On my fourth visit to pick up shoes from Diana, Priclncess of Heels, I found the shoppe to be very much closed. The sign on the door said he would be opening at one. Yesterday he told me to come in any time, he would be there from 9-4. Instead I looked at pictures of the Royal Wedding and read detailed accounts of research to cure cancer. I admit it: I feel slighted by a man three times my age. 

Friday, April 8, 2011

When a stranger is crying that moaning-hurting-cry, and the language they speak isn't the same as the one you do, you feel helpless. Deciding whether it's okay to turn around and see if they need the comfort that you won't be able to provide, or whether you should continue staring out the window to give them as much privacy as a hospital lobby can offer is difficult. So now, with so much I should be doing, I'm feigning busy and becoming increasingly cowardly because when I've cried in the hospital, I can't remember for sure, but I think I just wanted to be left alone.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

in which an episode of RadioLab moves me to tears

This deserves more time, but I have to at least mention: http://www.radiolab.org/popup_player/#listen=/audio/xspf/91693/%3Fdownload%3Dtrue

That episode of RadioLab, with the piece on the Mayor, gave me goosebumps.
Stop it!! THIS WORKS. you guys!! I can't believe it took me twenty nine years + seven months to be more of the whatever-type-this-type-is type.
When I make public my goals, hopefully I am that much more likely to follow through. That being said: I am going to make every effort to be a more friendly and sincere member of society. Eye contact, smiles and BEST manners are the key components. This isn't something that is a major problem, I can and do handle myself pretty nicely, but only half the time. Instead, a concerted effort will be made to listen more and talk less. I am going to start now, getting into this long bathroom line behind people that might usually intimidate me in some way. Instead: hey! We all gotta pee, right?


eye contact
smiles
improved manners
more listening

updates on successes and failures are, of course, forthcoming.