Probably this wasn't the best way to do it

Sometimes you don't learn.

I picked up Three from the corner where we'd decided to meet, and we found parking. This time we needed 30 quarters. THIRTY GODDAMN QUARTERS to go on a date.

I had about 20 because I thought I'd learned. But we were ten short. He went to walk from business to business in hopes of getting ten more. While I waited with the car this guy walked by, we smiled at each other and said hi, and then I realized who he was: my waiter from Thursday. And I'm DEAD.

Three came back with another dollar's worth of change, and we decided to walk together to find more. If this was a weird challenge on a game show we would have won, which is good to know. The stupid part was when we walked back to put every quarter on earth into the meter, only to realize, with each post we passed, that no one had bothered feeding any of them. On Saturdays during the holiday season they're free.

We put ten pounds of change into my bag and went to meet my friends.


When someone you don't know so well decides to go out with you, probably it's in your best interest to just go out with him exclusively. I realize that now, and I sort of hate how stupid I was about this. I really was interested in him, and I wanted to get to know him more. And yet somehow I brought him along for Christmas-all-over-Philly Day with maybe a dozen people. It's one of my favorite days, we go to all the holiday things and see lots of people I adore. Perfect.

We met up with ten of my friends for the Christmas Village at Love Park for the second worst thing you can do on a first date. It was crowded, like don't-bother-being-with-anyone crowded. If I'd known him well enough to hold hands, at least we could have had that whole "oh no! I don't want us to get separated so we better do this!" type of thing. After we finally found all our people, half of us decided to find food. The chaos and we the people (vegetarian/gluten free/whatever) made it hard to eat, so we decided to leave and go to a restaurant and meet up with the rest of our group after.

Here is where you'd read a review of lunch if there was anything worth mentioning. It was completely neutral. The place was loud and filled with (running of the) Santas.

When we were finished we went on to the very worst thing you can do: the Macy's Light Show.

(Photo by G. Widman for Visit Philadelphia)

 

I think I'm missing something. People have been talking about how wonderful it is for years. I've been to it before and maintain my opinion: It's hot, crowded, and 100% not impressive.

One time I ended up in Niagara Falls in December and was so disappointed in their "big light show" that was something like Snoopy or Mickey Mouse made of lights, and it threw a snowball at Charlie Brown or Minnie Mouse made of lights, and they jumped over it. That was what Niagara Falls had to offer. My friend and I laughed at it and were like "That's what you've got?" because apparently we are decoration snobs and only want the finest of illusions for our magnificent eyes. It was a recurring joke for years. If we still talked, I'm sure we'd still be not-amused by the poor showing.

And that was about the same level as this.

You stand amid Michael Kors lounge wear or necktie and coffee mug sets for over an hour waiting. If you're not their early enough, you won't even see it (that's not the worst thing). We waited. Eventually we could kind of hear Julie Andrews, and the whole thing lasted maybe five or twenty minutes. I have no idea. I ended up making faces at some stranger's baby because she was adorable and also knew the show stunk. In retrospect I feel kind of bad because you KNOW her dad was so excited to bring her there. And instead, she's looking at some boob who can make her face get all puffy and swing her glasses around by her nose. (Wow. Three must have been thoroughly impressed by this performance.)

When it finally came to a close we were herded out and went to meet up with the people from which we were separated at a bar. Luckily I had ten pounds of quarters in my bag because we played some game. Also, I learned all about 80s Ski Movies where the dudes have to Save The Mountain from the Snobs.

At this point my friends-group was dissolving. Some people had left after Macy's. Others were leaving now. More were on their way out. Three and I decided to give it another go as a more actually legit date-date. We walked to City Hall to watch people ice skate (in 70° weather). We actually had a chance to talk more, and of course, for the maybe second time in my entire life, I couldn't really think of anything so interesting to say. We just couldn't get enough of these skaters, so we decided to walk to Winterfest- if you're not familiar with what this is, you're missing out. Basically, it's an adorable area that you just want to stay in forever.

(Photo by Matt Stanley for DRWC)

Lugging ten pounds of quarters around for eight hours finally paid off because while there we played skee ball, Foosball, that thing where it's not basketball but you know what I mean, and other stuff like that. We also got drinks, nosed around some cabana/lodge things, and watched ice skaters of course.

This was a pretty ideal place to go because we finally had time to talk and enough going on around us to talk about, so it felt more natural at last. He was super sweet, had funny stories and fascinating experiences, and I liked spending time with him.

Afterwards, we went for another drink and to talk some more because it's a date and what do you even expect? In typical me-fashion, I wasn't sure what he thought of me. But it turned out he liked me enough that we ended up going to brunch the next morning.


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Once again, what can I even tell you that you don't already know? Brunch was pretty great. It's always pretty great. That's what brunch is.

I thought maybe the art museum was pay-what-you-wish, so we went there next. It wasn't, and he had to be somewhere in not-a-long-time, so we decided to walk around the art museum instead of walking around the art museum. We walked outside and literally walked around the art museum, which of course I thought was SOOOOOO funny. I'd never really noticed how pretty the building is, or how much attention is payed to specific areas of it. Other parts were gross, which we already knew, but was confirmed when a mother yelled at Logan to get his mouth off the railing because this place is gross.

Walking around the art museum eventually led us to the Water Works which I'd never seen because I don't spend enough time being a tourist where I live. If you haven't, you might want to check it out. I don't know who you are or what you'd like.

At this point I couldn't read him again. And it was also time for him to go to some party, so I dropped him off and that was that.



If he sees this: hey, sorry I screwed up and made you hang out with everyone I've ever known, that wasn't the best move. You're a really interesting guy, and I'd be happy to know more.