Thursday, November 26, 2015

I'm somehow way ahead of schedule...

I've got date #1 tomorrow night. We're meeting before I go to my 15 year high school reunion. This is either a good, the worst, or the best idea. The way I see it is: I'm not married, I don't have any kids, and while I don't think my life is boring, it's not really easy to catch up at these things. I'm pretty much in touch with anyone I'd be talking to through Facebook anyway...this is just going to make small talk a lot easier.

Apparently dates #2 and #3 are coming up with plans.

I haven't even started to actively seek yet. These all just fell into my lap like some Thanksgiving miracle.

I'd write more but OF COURSE I somehow managed to completely burn my fingertips while cooking carrots.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Questions I've Been Asked

What's going on here?
I'm going to try to go on twelve dates this December. There isn't some fantastic story behind it. Basically, the name was funny: The Twelve Dates of Schmidtzmas. I'm single, it's something to do, it gives me something to talk about, and I'm not expecting to meet some perfect person, but I'll most likely meet some interesting people, and I'll have some stories when it's over.

Also, I've been meaning to write more often. I keep just not doing it. (I write a lot for work.) But because there is a deadline and almost a check-list, I can't really procrastinate.

Is this for real?


Why are you doing this?

Because I did it five years ago and it was fun. I decided to do it at first because the name was funny to me. I decided to do it again because sometimes you do something twice. Also, people have asked if I'd do it again, and at first I thought they meant "Is this something you'd do again?" but it turned out that some of them meant "I liked reading it (for whatever reason) so will you do it again?"

Let's pretend this is my generous gift to society. It's the least I can do!

How are you meeting these people?
Lots of ways. Some of them will be from the internet (because it is 2015 and that's how we do things). Other people will be someone I might know from somewhere. Or maybe one of my friends will set me up with someone. Maybe I will meet someone from just like...however you meet people. You know....ways.

I've got a friend you should meet.
That isn't a question, but ok. Tell them to email me.

Do these people mind that you're writing about them?

Geeeez, I hope not. I'm telling everyone about the blog before we go out. They know I'm going to be writing about them.

Aren't you worried about weirdos?
Sure. But also, not really, no.

Aren't you worried about STDs?
What are you even talking about? How have multiple people asked me this?

What's your favorite pizza?A plain pie from Louie & Ernie's in the Bronx.


I'm going to attempt to go on a dozen dates this December.

There. I said it.

Friday, December 14, 2012

You're good at contests. Why don't you enter one where you win a husband?

"You're good at contests. Why don't you enter one where you win a husband?" my little sister asked, sincerely.

Last weekend I slept in a won!-hotel room, had some won!-pizza, and saw a won!-performance of Philadanco at the Kimmel Center. I don't know if it's technically a win, but I also found money which covered dinner.

On Thursday I learned that I was the winner of four tickets to a movie. Conveniently, I also won a gift certificate to a restaurant around the corner from the theater. So that's a fun evening.

And now I have a ticket I won't be using for tonight's Polyphonic Spree Holiday Extravaganza at the Troc. So I'm going to share the fun of getting and give it to someone else.

Who wants it?

Monday, November 5, 2012

This magnet is a blog or something

It's like this thing is a magnet. December is once again nearing and I've somehow stumbled back to my blog like a drunken lady hoping to find whatever earring she thought she wore, but didn't. But it won't stop her from asking everyone to scoot out of the (wrong) booth so she can dig around in the crack like a moron.

That analogy was unnecessary.

Yesterday while raking leaves and wishing it were snow I sort of wished I would re-do this whole December project. But I don't want to resurrect it only to find it's a terrible idea.
Then again, you have no idea when I last went on a date with any level of success or at all. I did do a fun little speed-dating thing last week. I'm fairly certain I was the oldest girl in the lineup and I really dazzled those dudes with my favorite book: Pocket Thesaurus/wallet combo. Seriously. That's the stuff babes are made of. (Not babies. Babes. Guys, I called myself a babe. Now I'm making a "yeah right face!" And I'm not looking for you to agree or disagree. I'm just filling you in because no other person is in this room to see what's happening.)


So- I haven't been on a date in a little while. I've been so busy doing my stuff, that I managed to forget about finding a better half to woo and swoon over and adore. Instead I've been studying things to be a better worker-at-my-job, I've raked a few leaves, and I've gone as the third, fifth, and seventh wheel to dinner with so many wonderful friends.

On that note: it's time to maybe get serious a little.
So...when are you free and what should we do?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

it's almost december again...

I'm not going on a bunch of dates again, I can tell you that for sure.
As fun and awesome as it was, I'm getting old (and my car just broke down in the middle of a busy intersection.) I'm in no mood to put myself out there, arriving by way of bus or a ride from my sister.
(nice segue...)


I have the secret to younger skin. It's this incredible little pot of moisturizer made by Robanda.
A couple of years ago I used this stuff and a fifteen year old lied about his age and asked if he could come do magic tricks for my students. First he thought I was in high school. But when he learned I was actually TEACHING he realized this was a great chance to perform. He also claimed to be 17, then 18 and finally said something about being a sophomore.
That was the first day I ever used this moisturizer and you bet it wasn't the last.
My boyfriend-at-the-time found me trapped in an awkward conversation with this darling kid in the magazine section of a bookstore and I was quick to grab his arm and get all "OH, YOU MUST TALK ABOUT MAGIC TRICKS WITH THIS GUY!" because it was so uncomfortable and everything.
But yes. Totally awesome that someone would think I was in high school.

Last week I was out with this awesome guy and got embarrassed when the waitress wanted my ID. BUT I can tell you for sure: I'd moisturized that day!
THEN last night I went out with my babysister (who is actually 24 and not at all a baby) and these guys were talking to her. I can't imagine they were actually meaning it, but apparently they thought that I was the younger of us.
That happens a lot.
Often people think I'm 24 or something. It's embarrassing to say it, because maybe it sounds like I'm trying to get you to respond in one way or another. It's an age. Quite seriously, it shouldn't even be something of which I'm wasting our (my? maybe nobody will ever read this...) time with here...

Tonight I went to pick us some groceries with that same little sister who passed for older than me last night.
I hadn't put on any moisturizer because I was cranky and didn't bother doing a thing to myself. My car broke down in the middle of the road. I had a rotten day in general.
We were at the register and I paid $3.98 for some peppers and bread first. Then Susie got the rest of the stuff and I picked up the bags to walk away. She didn't see me pick up the bags and asked the guy at the register if she had more stuff. He responded, "Yeah, your mom already took it."

Again, I hadn't put any moisturizer on this morning.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Come hang out on Wednesday night. Hear some stories, drink some liquids and be awesome!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

A. I can not believe how much I accomplished tonight.
B. Help yourself to the blubes in the fridge. They are on their way out.
C. I am extremely excited to celebrate making it through the vicious stink-eye of a major storm.
D. Typing on this phone is not easy.
E. Stuff smells like Easter Eggs.
F. Pretty much thrilled.
G. Grover. G. George.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Lady and the Nissan Acura

In the pouring rain this lady tried, coffee in hand, to get into her Nissan Acura.*
She kept clicking the button on her key, lights were flashing and the beep was loud.**  She fought for more time that people should with a door that didn't care. The man at the the table across but facing mine watched, unflinching. He seemed to lack the level of amusement I displayed, basically allowing my eyes to dart around the joint, praying that someone would notice and commiserate with me. We were dry and watching as her identical Nissan Acura whooped and glowed in the next spot over. Finally she realize what the man and I already knew and flung her arms and drink up into the falling rain.
The lady got into the Nissan Acura,  HER Nissan Acura and peeled out like nobody's business.
I wanted the stoic man to look at me.We shared this weird experience and he didn't even act like anything at all.

A few minutes passed. That man got up and walked out to his Nissan Acura, the one the lady wanted to get into.

Really, my jealousy is overwhelming. She should have attempted to get into MY car. She should have thrown her arms and coffee while I looked on, very no-big-deal like.

My new goal is hiding somewhere in these words.

* I realize technically there is no car called a Nissan Acura. Don't try to call me out on it. It's something I will continue to believe until I die of natural causes at an old age.

** I don't have a click-key button. I am both practical and cheap. I realize when my locks inevitably break, I will have neither the confidence nor the electronic know-how to comfortably play with wires. Instead, I will display vast volumes of chutzpah as I dismantle the doors in an effort to recreate levers and latches.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I have lost every phone number I ever had, in case you never hear from me again. (This might be a nice time to send a text of your name, or hello or something, if you want.)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

and and and

all the fingers are crossed. the rabbits: de-feeted. candles be lit. prayers said. vibes netted. positive energies magnet'ed. hopes high. wishes made. spirits up. eyeses on prizes. wishes as fishes. et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. and and and. + + +. & & &. may we all have the kind of day we deserve. and may the day i deserve be so so good. and forever and ever amen. and and and. please and thank you. updates are forthcoming. oxoxen.