Friday, December 14, 2012

You're good at contests. Why don't you enter one where you win a husband?

"You're good at contests. Why don't you enter one where you win a husband?" my little sister asked, sincerely.



Last weekend I slept in a won!-hotel room, had some won!-pizza, and saw a won!-performance of Philadanco at the Kimmel Center. I don't know if it's technically a win, but I also found money which covered dinner.

On Thursday I learned that I was the winner of four tickets to a movie. Conveniently, I also won a gift certificate to a restaurant around the corner from the theater. So that's a fun evening.


And now I have a ticket I won't be using for tonight's Polyphonic Spree Holiday Extravaganza at the Troc. So I'm going to share the fun of getting and give it to someone else.




Who wants it?

Monday, November 5, 2012

This magnet is a blog or something

It's like this thing is a magnet. December is once again nearing and I've somehow stumbled back to my blog like a drunken lady hoping to find whatever earring she thought she wore, but didn't. But it won't stop her from asking everyone to scoot out of the (wrong) booth so she can dig around in the crack like a moron.

That analogy was unnecessary.


Yesterday while raking leaves and wishing it were snow I sort of wished I would re-do this whole December project. But I don't want to resurrect it only to find it's a terrible idea.
Then again, you have no idea when I last went on a date with any level of success or at all. I did do a fun little speed-dating thing last week. I'm fairly certain I was the oldest girl in the lineup and I really dazzled those dudes with my favorite book: Pocket Thesaurus/wallet combo. Seriously. That's the stuff babes are made of. (Not babies. Babes. Guys, I called myself a babe. Now I'm making a "yeah right face!" And I'm not looking for you to agree or disagree. I'm just filling you in because no other person is in this room to see what's happening.)


((INTERJECTION: WHAT IF I DID A BLOG WITH A CAMERA ON AND YOU COULD READ AT THE EXACT SPEED I TYPED AND WATCH MY FACE CHANGE AS THE WORDS HAPPENED? THAT WOULD BE SO BORING AND HARD TO FOCUS ON. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN. ALSO, THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH AND THE SENTENCE BEFORE WOULD BE OBSOLETE.))



So- I haven't been on a date in a little while. I've been so busy doing my stuff, that I managed to forget about finding a better half to woo and swoon over and adore. Instead I've been studying things to be a better worker-at-my-job, I've raked a few leaves, and I've gone as the third, fifth, and seventh wheel to dinner with so many wonderful friends.

On that note: it's time to maybe get serious a little.
So...when are you free and what should we do?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

it's almost december again...

I'm not going on a bunch of dates again, I can tell you that for sure.
As fun and awesome as it was, I'm getting old (and my car just broke down in the middle of a busy intersection.) I'm in no mood to put myself out there, arriving by way of bus or a ride from my sister.
(nice segue...)

AND NOW A SERIOUS UN-PAID ENDORSEMENT--

I have the secret to younger skin. It's this incredible little pot of moisturizer made by Robanda.
A couple of years ago I used this stuff and a fifteen year old lied about his age and asked if he could come do magic tricks for my students. First he thought I was in high school. But when he learned I was actually TEACHING he realized this was a great chance to perform. He also claimed to be 17, then 18 and finally said something about being a sophomore.
That was the first day I ever used this moisturizer and you bet it wasn't the last.
My boyfriend-at-the-time found me trapped in an awkward conversation with this darling kid in the magazine section of a bookstore and I was quick to grab his arm and get all "OH, YOU MUST TALK ABOUT MAGIC TRICKS WITH THIS GUY!" because it was so uncomfortable and everything.
But yes. Totally awesome that someone would think I was in high school.


Last week I was out with this awesome guy and got embarrassed when the waitress wanted my ID. BUT I can tell you for sure: I'd moisturized that day!
THEN last night I went out with my babysister (who is actually 24 and not at all a baby) and these guys were talking to her. I can't imagine they were actually meaning it, but apparently they thought that I was the younger of us.
That happens a lot.
Often people think I'm 24 or something. It's embarrassing to say it, because maybe it sounds like I'm trying to get you to respond in one way or another. It's an age. Quite seriously, it shouldn't even be something of which I'm wasting our (my? maybe nobody will ever read this...) time with here...

THEN TONIGHT...
Tonight I went to pick us some groceries with that same little sister who passed for older than me last night.
I hadn't put on any moisturizer because I was cranky and didn't bother doing a thing to myself. My car broke down in the middle of the road. I had a rotten day in general.
We were at the register and I paid $3.98 for some peppers and bread first. Then Susie got the rest of the stuff and I picked up the bags to walk away. She didn't see me pick up the bags and asked the guy at the register if she had more stuff. He responded, "Yeah, your mom already took it."





Again, I hadn't put any moisturizer on this morning.

Monday, November 14, 2011



Come hang out on Wednesday night. Hear some stories, drink some liquids and be awesome!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

A. I can not believe how much I accomplished tonight.
B. Help yourself to the blubes in the fridge. They are on their way out.
C. I am extremely excited to celebrate making it through the vicious stink-eye of a major storm.
D. Typing on this phone is not easy.
E. Stuff smells like Easter Eggs.
F. Pretty much thrilled.
G. Grover. G. George.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Lady and the Nissan Acura

In the pouring rain this lady tried, coffee in hand, to get into her Nissan Acura.*
She kept clicking the button on her key, lights were flashing and the beep was loud.**  She fought for more time that people should with a door that didn't care. The man at the the table across but facing mine watched, unflinching. He seemed to lack the level of amusement I displayed, basically allowing my eyes to dart around the joint, praying that someone would notice and commiserate with me. We were dry and watching as her identical Nissan Acura whooped and glowed in the next spot over. Finally she realize what the man and I already knew and flung her arms and drink up into the falling rain.
The lady got into the Nissan Acura,  HER Nissan Acura and peeled out like nobody's business.
I wanted the stoic man to look at me.We shared this weird experience and he didn't even act like anything at all.

A few minutes passed. That man got up and walked out to his Nissan Acura, the one the lady wanted to get into.


Really, my jealousy is overwhelming. She should have attempted to get into MY car. She should have thrown her arms and coffee while I looked on, very no-big-deal like.

My new goal is hiding somewhere in these words.




* I realize technically there is no car called a Nissan Acura. Don't try to call me out on it. It's something I will continue to believe until I die of natural causes at an old age.

** I don't have a click-key button. I am both practical and cheap. I realize when my locks inevitably break, I will have neither the confidence nor the electronic know-how to comfortably play with wires. Instead, I will display vast volumes of chutzpah as I dismantle the doors in an effort to recreate levers and latches.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I have lost every phone number I ever had, in case you never hear from me again. (This might be a nice time to send a text of your name, or hello or something, if you want.)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

and and and

all the fingers are crossed. the rabbits: de-feeted. candles be lit. prayers said. vibes netted. positive energies magnet'ed. hopes high. wishes made. spirits up. eyeses on prizes. wishes as fishes. et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. and and and. + + +. & & &. may we all have the kind of day we deserve. and may the day i deserve be so so good. and forever and ever amen. and and and. please and thank you. updates are forthcoming. oxoxen.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

I wish I could remember some really great quote about taking care of yourself first. Maybe one of my improv peoples told me? Or maybe it was someone's mom? In any event, I just stood up for myself like WHOA while a stranger attempted to berate me and ruin my day. You chose the wrong person to pick on buddy. I lived through JUNIOR HIGH and came out a  vehement optimist.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Get Out The Sharpies


Diagram Time!! 
As a favor to the-guy-I-was-seeing-at-the-time's ex, I agreed to film a "Dating On Demand" profile. I guess she worked on the show in some capacity and they were still friends. He asked me and things must not have seemed so promising with him or something so I said yes. 
It was five or six years ago, so hopefully I'm getting the details right. Maybe the girls who were applying for this project were all aspiring actresses or didn't have quite the personality they needed. After filming the initial profile, somehow I end up getting called back to do an entire episode for a television show. They had us filming in "my" apartment. Notice "my" lovely collection of Barbie dolls, their leggy stems dangling, interfering with various camera angles. I haven't watched this in years, but I'm pretty sure the is a Halloween decoration/cat thing on the couch. The host complimented me on it and I offered it to her. She accepted and may or may not have walked off the shoot with a stranger's cat statue. I don't know that that made the episode. I do know they cut out my piano playing. I was supposed to be home alone, waiting for her to show up. In order to make it seem authentic I played Kum Ba Ya on the keyboard and sang very VERY seriously. I also tried to cook pasta for her.
It's almost done uploading. You get to see my first attempts at improv!! (Cringecringecringe!)




Wednesday, June 8, 2011

F. Harold: Six Nights of Comedy at the Walnut Street Theatre (from a girl who doesn't know much about stand-up)

Off to a good start, F. Harold began on June 7th at Studio 5 in the Walnut Street Theatre. The night was an even split of stand-up and improv comedy. The audience turn-out was great at their response was enthusiastic.
Stand-up John Kensil opened the festival and was followed by The Hendersons, an independent improv team taking on the stage for their first time. They do have some recognizable names with lots of experience behind them. I didn't get to see either of the first two sets, regrettably, but all the reviews were positive. With performers like Aaron Hertzog, Becca Trabin and Brendan Kennedy involved, it isn't much of surprise. I've yet to see Shannon Brown, Jenn Curcio or Rachel Whitworth in performance mode, but based on what I know, this group has promise. Francis Cattani and Adam Siry complete the line-up and I'm sure the other Hendersons can vouch for them.
An even larger group performed tonight in Steve Kleinedler's vision-come-to-life The Really Big Show featuring Amie Roe. In this thirty minute performance, she was joined by more than a dozen improvisers who jumped in as they saw fit to create a whole slew of scenes and characters.
In the wake of Duofest, Rosen & Milkshake managed to prove we haven't had our fill of pairs. They did another great job, this time filling up the confines of a cramped public restroom with an exorbitant number of distinct characters. Grimacchio,on the other hand managed to take full advantage of the large stage. They came in running and kept the energy up throughout their performance.
I haven't had as much exposure to stand-up but I can tell Carolyn Busa was well received. Following her really funny performance I caught some positive feedback in the lobby. Ryan Carey and Aaron Hertzog performed also, but I didn't get a chance to see either of them. There's no doubt that they were both fantastic though; I heard lots of laughing through the wall. Pat House closed the show. Though I didn't get to catch his performance, I did see him at the Troc with Pauly Shore a couple of weeks ago and he managed to steal that show.

F. Harold will take place through Sunday night at Studio 5 in the Walnut Street Theatre.
Check the website for more information.


Recurring themes I noticed: Bathrooms + Crossword Puzzles